“A Harsh Reality”

Chapter 2 – Denial

“…Technos…”
“…a baby…Bray…”
“…over a year!”

“Trudy?” Amber’s faint question cut through the other voices in the room as if she had shouted it. She struggled to open her eyes and focus in the dim light of the room. She could see others near the door but couldn’t quite concentrate enough to see who was there.

“I’m here, Amber.” Trudy sat down beside her on the bed and rested her hand over Amber’s laying on the comforter. She squeezed it in reassurance and smiled.

Amber smiled in return, remembering that she was home at the Mall, with friends. Everything was going to be alright. Her groggy brain was blissfully quiet and the pounding that had nearly killed her before was gone. She was just tired, so tired.

Her smile slowly faded and she frowned, recalling vaguely her distress from before. She struggled to remember what had upset her and a wispy thought of her baby floated to the surface. She sat up abruptly and weakly gripped Trudy’s hand.

“Trudy, my baby! Is Bray alright? Where is he?”

Trudy looked over the door and seemed to be communicating something with whoever was there. She looked down at her hand gripped in Amber’s, avoiding Amber’s eyes.

“Trudy? What’s wrong? Has something happened to him?” Amber’s voice rose as she grabbed harder at Trudy’s hand, trying to get her to look up. “You have to tell me if something’s happened!” She swallowed the lump that appeared in her throat and silently pleaded with Trudy to tell her Bray was fine.

Trudy glanced once more towards the door and hesitated for a moment. She and took a deep breath and finally met her eyes, smiling again.

“Everything’s fine Amber, just fine. Bray’s…okay.” She gently pushed Amber back down on the bed. “You need to get some rest. Please, just try and sleep some more. Everything’s…fine.”

Amber was relieved and passively lay down again. She really was very tired. As long as Bray was alright, she could rest for a little longer. She didn’t even feel Trudy get up from the bed.

Trudy looked at the others standing in the doorway. She sighed deeply and shook her head in resignation. “It’s best for now, until she recovers.”

***

Amber woke twice more in the next couple days, stronger each time but still relatively weak. She asked each time about Bray and was again reassured that he was alright and being taken care of by the Mallrats.

The third time she woke, Amber felt more clearheaded than she had since awakening in the alley. She had no idea of the passage of time, how much had passed since then or even what time of day it was. Sunlight was streaming in through the curtain covering the doorway and she could hear the sounds of her tribe moving around in the Mall. It sounded like most mornings she could remember in the Mall.

She tried to get her bearings, but it wasn’t her room or her bed she slept in. She didn’t recognize the personal touches in this room that each of them had decorated their room with over the years. That in itself was odd. She’d known each of their rooms like her own. She felt a little uneasiness at the unfamiliarity of a place that had always been familiar.

When she had woken, Trudy would only say that Bray was okay. Any other questions she asked were turned aside and she was urged to rest. Even questions about Bray were answered with as few words as possible. She had enough clarity now to recognize it for avoidance, and that too was unsettling. What didn’t Trudy want to tell her?

She was still trying to puzzle through the strangeness she had experienced since the alley when Trudy slipped her head around the door’s curtain to check if Amber was awake. She smiled immediately, happy to see that Amber was sitting up against the pillows and appeared to be fully coherent.

“You’re awake! And you look so much better too!” She came to sit beside Amber in a chair that had been moved there. “How do you feel?”

Trudy’s mood was infectious and Amber couldn’t help grinning back. “I feel much better. My head’s finally cleared I think.” Her stomach rumbled then and she laughed. “And apparently I’m hungry.”

“That’s always a good sign!” Trudy laughed back, delighted that Amber was doing so well. She rose and headed for the doorway. “Wait right here and I’ll go get you some food. You could probably ask for just about anything right now! We’re all so glad that you’re recovering.”

“Trudy, wait.” Trudy turned back, a question on her lips, but Amber blurted out the question that had been bothering her since she woke up. She regretted the pleading in her voice, but more than anything right now she needed answers. “I need to know what’s happening. I need you to be honest with me, please.”

Trudy’s smile faded and she edged toward the door with her hands up in front of her. “Of course, Amber, we’ll talk about all of that. Soon, I promise.” She nodded and smiled the whole time, but Amber also noticed she kept moving toward the door. “I’m just going to get you some food. I’ll be right back!” She was gone before Amber could say anything else.

Amber sighed and leaned back against the pillows again. She wasn’t sure how worried she should be about Trudy avoiding her questions. It didn’t have to be anything horrible. It might be just Amber’s imagination that was causing the knot in her chest and the sick feeling in her stomach. But her gut told her something was wrong, something she might not want to know. Was she strong enough to handle it, whatever it was? She honestly wasn’t sure herself, so it wasn’t surprising that Trudy didn’t want to talk about it yet. She was probably trying to protect her. But Amber would rather have the whole, stark truth in front of her than no information at all.

She threw back the covers of the bed and prepared to go after Trudy and the truth. Before she could even get both feet on the ground, the curtain moved aside again and Salene stood there grinning at her. Jack was slightly behind her, looking rather uncertain. He smiled quickly when he noticed her looking at him, his face gaining a pink flush that made her laugh. He still had an awkwardness about him, probably always would, but he’d grown far beyond the small boy she’d met so long ago.

“Amber!” Salene launched herself at Amber and they both tumbled onto the bed laughing, hugging each other fiercely. Amber finally gasped her surrender and pulled away from Salene, still laughing. She gave Jack an equally fierce hug and smiled at them both.

“I’m so glad to see you guys.” Unexpectedly she felt a tear well up and slide down her cheek. She wiped it away and laughed self-consciously. “I’m sorry, I guess I’m just a bit emotional.”

Salene put an arm around her shoulders and squeezed gently. “Don’t apologize, Amber. We’re just as happy to see you. We were so worried about you when you went missing, and when we didn’t hear anything, well…” She hugged her again and guided Amber to sit on the edge of the bed. “Are you feeling okay; do you want to lie down again?”

“No, I think I’ve rested enough for now. I guess all of this is just catching up with me at once though.” She linked her trembling hands in her lap and looked down at them. “I was so scared when I woke up alone, in an alley. I- I didn’t know where I was or what had happened. I wouldn’t let myself feel it when I was still out there, in the city. But now that I’m home…” she said, taking a breath, “I guess I just can’t push it away forever.” She looked up into Salene’s sympathetic eyes and leaned against her friend. “It’s good to be home.”

She laughed then and looked up at the ceiling. “I must have been pretty out of it when I got here, though. I mean I was weak and everything, but I could swear that I saw Zandra too. How crazy is that?” She waited for them to share the joke, but only silence greeted her words. Jack and Salene were looking at each other and back at her with entirely serious expressions. Serious bordering on concerned.

“What? What is it?”

Jack ran a hand through his hair and looked to Salene for help, who was looking at the door with something like desperation.

“Seriously, what is it,” Amber asked, her voice rising. “Someone better tell me what is going on, and soon. Trudy won’t tell me anything. She practically ran out of her when I started asking her questions about what happened to me.”

Salene turned back to Amber and opened her mouth to say something when others began to enter the small room. Trudy was in the lead, followed by Lex. And behind him was Zandra.

Amber eyes opened wide and she gaped in shock at the young woman she had believed to be dead. She didn’t look much different than Amber remembered her. Her hair was still that strange blend of blue and pink, her clothes an interesting combination of color and print not found in nature. If Amber hadn’t already been sitting she would have collapsed.

Zandra moved past the others and smiled at Amber hesitantly. She leaned down and gave her a loose hug. She was clearly uncomfortable at Amber’s reaction, but Amber could hardly help the way she responded.

“But I- but you’re- I mean, you’re supposed to be dead!” she exclaimed.

“Dead?!” Zandra gasped. The others too showed varying levels of shock and surprise at Amber’s announcement, which only confused her more. Zandra was supposed to have died on Eagle Mountain. The others were there; they knew it as well as she did. Although, she admitted to herself, she had had a grave on Eagle Mountain too.

“Amber,” Trudy asked, a strange tone to her voice, “Why would you think Zandra was dead?”

“Why would I-?” Amber’s confusion turned to frustration. How could she be the only person in the room who believed Zandra had been dead? “What are you talking about?” Amber practically shouted. “Zandra died on Eagle Mountain, Trudy. You know that! The generator overloaded and exploded. Zandra didn’t make it out alive!” The others looked at each other, none of them showing any comprehension or recognition of the events she was describing. She looked at Zandra, feeling the shock of it again. “I mean, they didn’t think you had. They dug your grave!” She rubbed her hands over her face, trying to gain some sort of composure. It was like the world had turned upside down.

“What is going on?” she muttered through her hands. “Would someone please tell me what is going on?” Nothing was making any sense. Her mind began to run over the details of what seemed to have been the last few days. Waking alone, hurt, in an alley, in a city they were supposed to have left. Finding the Technos back in charge when they’d effectively been a broken, defeated force. Arriving at the Mall to find Zandra alive, and no one who found that fact at all strange. The hesitation when she’d asked about her baby.

Amber’s head snapped up, her hands falling to her lap. She turned to look Trudy in the eye, her expression fierce. “Trudy. Where is my baby?”

Trudy looked at the others and they seemed to be in agreement. She met Amber’s eyes, no avoidance this time. Salene stood up as Trudy approached, taking her place next to Amber on the bed. Trudy put her hands on Amber’s arms, turning Amber to face her. She took a deep breath and seemed to steel herself.

“Amber, you don’t have a baby,” she said gently. “You’ve never had a baby.”

Amber laughed at the ridiculousness of that statement. She looked around at the others, but she was the only one laughing. They stared back at her, silently backing up everything Trudy said. Trudy squeezed her arms and Amber turned back to her, words spilling out of her mouth as fast they could.

“Trudy, that’s ridiculous! Of course I have a baby. You were there! You helped me give birth to him! You were there when I named him after his father!” Trudy’s face was filled with concern, but no recognition. None at all. “Bray! Bray was his father, Trudy. You know that! You went to school with him. He helped you here when you were pregnant with Brady! You even named Brady after him. Trudy and Bray, so you named her Brady!” Trudy was shaking her head gently now after everything Amber said. The others kept perfectly still.

“Amber, you need to listen to me,” Trudy murmured. Her voice was soft, soothing. “You didn’t have a baby. There is no one here named Bray; there never was. I never went to school with anyone named Bray. I came here on my own, pregnant with Brady. And when she was born I named her after my father.”

Amber tried to stand, tried to back away from the lies coming out of Trudy’s mouth, but Trudy tightened her grip on Amber’s arms and prevented her from escaping. “Please, you need to listen to us.” She paused, searching Amber’s face for some sign that she was getting through to her. “Amber.” She took a deep breath, “Amber, you’ve been gone for over a year.”

Again Amber’s mouth opened in shock. She wanted to say something, anything to deny what Trudy was saying, but she couldn’t get out the words. Her eyes darted around the room, from face to face. They all slowly, and reluctantly, nodded when Amber looked at them. They couldn’t quite meet her eyes.

“You’ve been gone over a year,” Trudy repeated, drawing Amber’s attention back to her. “When the Technos first invaded, you were visiting the farm. You and Alice had left it that morning and were returning to the City, but you never made it here.” She looked around at the others again, seeking support in her difficult role of being the one to break the bad news.

“You never made it back to the Mall. We tried to search for you, but we knew pretty quickly what had probably happened. Lots of people were disappearing.” She leaned closer to Amber and ran her hands soothingly up and down Amber’s arms. “Amber, the Technos took you. We think they’ve had you the entire time.” She paused, waiting for Amber’s reaction. Ready to grab her if she tried to bolt.

“No.” Amber stared at Trudy, her head shaking her denial. With each shake, she became more vehement. She practically spat her next words. “No! That’s not possible! I remember everything. The Technos took me from the Eco Tribe, I remember that.” She searched the room for any encouraging sign, any hope, of support from the others, but there was nothing. Tears stung her eyes and she had to clear her throat to continue. “But- but you rescued me! And we defeated the Technos! I remember all of that!” They only watched her, pity in their eyes. “Please, Trudy, you have to believe me.”

“Amber,” Jack spoke hesitantly, “we’ve heard… things… about the Technos. There’s been rumors that they’re doing experiments on the people that were taken.” He tried to say it gently, she could see that even in her pain, but his words cut like a knife anyway. “Some kind of virtual reality experiments, like the games, only worse. Amber, we think they’ve been… well… working on- I mean, I know it sounds crazy.” He smiled but quickly wiped it from his face, and cleared his throat. “Um, well, some kind of… brain-washing…” he trailed off uncomfortably.

“Brain-washing? You think I’ve been brain-washed?!” she asked incredulously. Trudy’s hands gripped her arms, trying to keep her sitting and calm. She shook them off fiercely and stood, backing away. “I can’t believe this!”

“From what we’ve been able to figure out, it’s possible they could create memories for you, Amber. I’m sorry, but it’s the only explanation. What you’ve said seems to back that up.” Salene interjected softly.

She tried to put her arm around Amber, to comfort her, but Amber actually pushed her away hard enough so that Jack had to steady Salene. They were alarmed at Amber’s uncharacteristic violence. This wasn’t like her.

“No! I don’t believe any of this! This is some kind of bad joke, or- or this is the brain-washing and you’re trying to keep me from my child!” Trudy moved to hug Amber, but she pushed past her, not caring if she hurt Trudy. She couldn’t think straight, couldn’t process what she’d heard from them. At this moment, she couldn’t look on them as friends, could only see the pain they were causing with their lies.

She shoved past Zandra standing at the end of the bed and then only Lex was between her and escape. He hadn’t said anything the whole time, merely stood in the doorway, his arms crossed, watching the proceedings dispassionately. At that moment she hated him for it. He didn’t budge when she approached him, only stared at her.

“Move Lex, or I will move you. I am going to find my child!” she shouted. No response. “I’m going to find my baby and you can’t stop me!” She shoved him, hard, trying to move him out of her way and her escape from this nightmare. He shifted only slightly but didn’t change expression, and she lost what was left of her sanity. “Get out of my way!” she screamed. Punching him, slapping him, shoving him, anything to get him to move.

His arms came up to deflect her blows, her ferocity lending them extra strength, and he was hard pressed to stop her from leaving the room without hurting her.

She could hear the others calling her name, begging her to calm down, but the only thing she could think clearly was that she needed to get out of that room at any price. Her pain and fear had built to a force inside her that couldn’t be ignored or reasoned with and instinct had taken over. The flight or fight response that lurks inside all human beings was in control.

“Please! Lex, please let me through!” But Lex wasn’t moving. He didn’t try to avoid most of the blows, only to hold her back. And frustration was added to the pain. She was screaming at him and crying at the same time, begging him to let her go.

He was finally able to grab hold of her by the arms, painfully, and he shook her hard to get her attention. She was momentarily distracted and he used that against her.

“Listen to me!” He stared her in the eye and made her pay attention to him. There was no pity in his eyes, no softness, only the hard look of someone who has to pass along devastating news and has steeled himself to do it. That was what finally got through to her.

“You don’t have a child. What you remember is a lie, not what you’re hearing right now.” He shook her again for emphasis. “You need to accept this, Amber! I’m sorry, but you need to accept this.” He was telling the truth; she could see it in his eyes. The sincerity of it destroyed her.

She broke down finally, sobbing. She felt Lex’s arms come around her and she collapsed into them, accepting the truth at last. The others crowded around them, offering their comfort and support. She was oblivious to it, to everything but the horrible truth that they were right.

Baby bray didn’t exist, had never existed, and all of her memories of him were lies. His father had never existed. Everything she had ever loved was gone and she couldn’t imagine anything that would ever make that bearable.